Smile for Me
by LawliPop
Summary: I did this for you, Bakura. [AU][Ryou's POV]


_A/N: This is just a spur-of-the-moment one-shot. My stab at suicide-ficlet in Ryou's POV... because there aren't enough fics like that already (-end sarcasm-). Please read, enjoy, and review!_

_Warning: Implied, one-sided shonen-ai (RyouxBakura) and mentions of suicide. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

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**_. Smile for Me_ _.  
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It was a lovely service. My funeral, I mean.

Did you plan it?

Thank you... It was very beautiful.

I cried a lot, but I notice that many other people didn't.

Anzu Mazaki cried; I expected her to. She was always so kind to me, and she was probably the only person I could call a true companion. Even when our peers would spread rumors about me and about her, she still tried so hard to become a better friend for me, to try to understand me and comfort me in times of hardship. I don't think she knows how much I appreciated her being there for me. I wish she did.

Yugi Mutou looked sad, but I don't think I saw any tears in his eyes. After all the pain I played a role in handing him throughout the years, he had no reason to mourn over my departure. He had no reason to mourn for the loss of someone who had subconsciously betrayed him so many times. I'm surprised he showed up, but I'm glad that he did. It's nice to see that he didn't blame me as much as I thought he did.

Katsuya Jounouchi and Hiroto Honda didn't cry at all. I suppose they're too many for that sort of thing.

Shizuka Kawai didn't cry. Then again, she wasn't very close to me, either. I think I only met her once. I wish that we could have met sooner, though; she seems very sweet. I would have liked to get to know her better.

Ryuuji Otogi didn't show up for the service, but if he had, I don't think he would have cried for me. Miho Nosaka didn't cry. Seto Kaiba and his younger brother Mokuba shed no tears. Malik Ishtar looked upset, but he didn't cry either.

... I noticed you were crying.

You tried so hard to hide it from everyone else by glaring and setting your face in a typical scowl. It deceived those who had gathered for the funeral, but it didn't fool me.

Why were you crying? This was what you wanted, wasn't it? You wanted to be free of me. You wanted me to disappear so that I wouldn't interfere with your plans for revenge. You wanted me to be gone so that you would no loner be burdened with the responsibility of protecting me. You wanted me to die so that that you could live again. You should be happy that your dream has finally been realized.

Did I do something wrong? Should I have kept the knife on the counter instead of slicing it across my wrists? Should I have left it as only a tool used for cooking instead of morphing it into an instrument of death?

I'm sorry. I thought I was doing what you wanted me to do. I thought that I would be making your life better, easier. I thought that you would be happy.

That's all I've ever wanted to do. Make you happy.

All the time you were with me, I tried to think of ways to put a smile on your face. You looked so miserable and angry all the time. I wanted to see your eyes, usually so cold and brimming with pain, light up with joy. But no matter what I did, or what I said, your attitude never seemed to change. You were still miserable, still angry, and you still seemed to despise my very existence.

I thought you hated me. I was nothing more than a burden, after all – another useless, unwanted, heavy weight placed upon your breaking back. I couldn't help you. I couldn't support you. I couldn't protect you. I couldn't even make you smile when I tried my hardest.

Was I wrong about you this entire time? Did I miscalculate? Did I misjudge your character? If I did, then I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. You must know that I didn't mean to. All I wanted was to stay by your side – to be closer to you. But you never let me. You constructed so many barriers; insulted me and degraded me so that I would loathe you; beat me so I would fear you.

I used to be so afraid of you. But, still, I wanted to be with you. The insults I could deal with. The physical pain could heal itself over time. But the emotional pain of your leaving would forever scar me. I didn't want you to leave. I wanted so badly to have a companion who would actually stay with me – someone who wouldn't leave, like all the others. I wouldn't have been able to cope if you ever left me alone.

Maybe that was another reason why I had to do the leaving – because I knew you were thinking of going away, back to your own era, and that I was the one thing holding you back.

Please don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault; really, it wasn't.

I didn't kill myself in order to escape you. I did this _for_ you. I wanted to give you what you deserved – a life without me. I didn't want to trouble you anymore with my useless presence. I didn't want to hold you back from returning to the life you had lived all those thousands of years ago. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted to give you a reason to smile.

I thought, more than anything else I could have tried, that seeing my lifeless body would have brought a grin to your face. I suppose I miscalculated again when I presumed that... I don't think I've ever seen anyone as devastated as you were when you found me.

But... why were you crying? Why are you still crying now?

Please... I want to know. Did I upset you when I did this? Did I make the wrong choice?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disappoint you. I don't want you to cry. Out of everyone present for the funeral oration, I was hoping the most that you wouldn't be the one who grieved over my death. I died so that you would have a reason to smile.

But you haven't smiled yet, and I'm beginning to wonder if my death was in vain.

It hurt to die, you know; but not in any physical sort of way. My body did not feel much pain, as odd as that might sound. There was a sting when the blade hit my wrist, but other than that... I felt nothing. I guess by the time it had registered in my brain that I was actually killing myself, I had already gone numb. No, my body didn't hurt at all when I died. But my heart did...It hurt a lot. My heart cracked because it sensed that this was the end, and it shattered upon realizing that you would never be able to complete it.

Don't be worried, though. Where I am now, I no longer feel heartbreak. I am in a perfect place, and my view of the world is beautiful. Here, I can roam wherever I please, and do whatever I want, whenever I wish. Most of the time, I choose to watch you. I wonder if you even realize.

... I miss you.

Here, I am never without company. I have seen relatives that I had lost in the past. I have met with my deceased mother and my sister, Amane. They visit me often. Still, though, there is a void inside my spirit that cannot be filled, and will probably never be filled until my one wish is granted.

My one wish... to see you happy.

I want you to move on with your life now that I'm no longer saddling you down. Forget about me. I wasn't important to you, nor to anyone else, really. The world is not at loss without me, and neither are you.

You can live life the way you want, and I implore you to take up the opportunity. Find someone who will complete your heart in the way that you were unable to complete mine. Find someone to spend the rest of your life with. Find someone who can make you smile, and not fail you as many times as I did.

Don't let my death be in vain.

Please, find a reason to smile.

Just this once. Just so I know that my one last wish has been fulfilled. So thatI know I died for a purpose. It's really not a lot to ask.

Please... just smile for me now.

**_. End . _**


End file.
